It is extremely difficult to give up ones religion, ideas and political opinions. Not even when one finally gets totally convinced that the thoughts are crazy. Many devout Nazis had problems with that after the war. It is like giving up smoking. Some people are coughing blood and having serious difficulties with breathing but keeps on smoking anyway.
I am wrong. I have been completely wrong for many, many years. I am fooled and I am fooling myself. I am a complete idiot. That is a tough one to swallow.
This applies to all kind of ideas, beliefs and convictions: I am ugly. I have a huge ugly nose. I am no good. I am fuckin useless. Nobody loves me. Nobody wants me…
Or: I am very good and I am smart. I am from a good family, I have got an excellent upbringing and I sure look good. I have good genes. And above everything, I am rich. I am not like the Tom, Dick and Harry’s. That is why I am entitled to so much more than all the rest.
Or:Life is about competition. Life is for the strong. One has to fight like hell to reach the top. The only thing that really counts is money, you can’t deny that. The prettiest girls prefer the richest boys. All talk about equal rights and justice is just drivel. But religion is not something to look down upon. It is a perfect cover for your true ambitions.
All convictions are dangerous. Sometimes you are right, sometimes you are wrong, but you can never be completely sure when you are right and when you are wrong. Do not trust yourself. Do not trust your inner voice.