Wednesday, April 29, 2009

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Today I had a haircut and lunch at the Chinese restaurant. On my way home, a fifteen minutes walk along some very busy streets, I had this thought: Oh, Brother. There are so many different kinds of people here, Hip hoppers, Punk rockers, stressed out office clerks, right-wingers, left wingers, Neo-Nazis, alcoholics, mental cases, Rastafarian's, Muslims... There are so many different kinds of people in this world and so many different ideas. And here comes an ambulance. Maybe someone is dying in there. And here comes the Police. What’s going on? This is our life, suffering, jealousy and hate, love, nonsense, jokes, distress, disasters. So much is here. It’s like a play. Why bother if people play games and delude themselves. Why bother if people pray to Santa Claus or if they hope for nothing but an improvement of the stock market rates. We’re all deluding ourselves and we are all like actors in a play. This is life. What if all the actors in the play suddenly took off their costumes and explained that they were sick and tired of acting. "Shakespeare is a jerk. We want to wake up from this stupid make believe nonsense.“
Some people are fragile, nervous and sensitive. They often spend decades trying to get rid of their nervousness but nothing seems to work. Alcohol, cigarettes and drugs gives only temporary relief. Psychotherapies and meditation does not seem to do the trick either. Medication can be helpful for some time, what I understand, but eventually the nervous person has to get off the medicine because of the side effects. My experience is that it is not until one begins to accept ones nervousness and fragility that things improve. The nervousness and the fragility are still there but one does not bother to fight it any longer.

We spend so much time, money and energy trying to change ourselves, trying to fit ourselves into imagined molds. One part of us is telling another part of us that we are no good and that we ought to do something about it. This is a crazy.

Some people pretend that they are religious; some pretend that they are optimistic and some pretend that they are sincere. Many people simply pretend that that they are not pretending and lecture you on how you ought to live your life. Surrounded by bullshitters it is better to give them some bullshit back. We are immersed in to a world of bullshit.

You cannot become what you already are. You cannot miss out your life because you have been so busy with other things. This is your life. This is what you are. You cannot say to yourself, “I ought to live in the now, nothing else is real.” You cannot say to yourself, “I ought to love what is.” Well, you can tell yourself how you ought to think, but it will not change anything. You can tell yourself, “Do not try to change anything!” But, isn’t that the same thing? We are trapped. This is the human condition.

“You must not give in. You have to wake up. You must not be so negative. You really ought to do something. This is just your mind playing tricks on you... ”