I have seen the world through the eyes of a newborn baby. I have seen the world through the eyes of a three-year-old kid. I have seen the world through the eyes of a teenager. Now I see the world through the eyes of a fifty-four year old man. We look at the world through different eyes, no wonder that we see different things. You may see the world through the eyes of a 65 years old professor or through the eyes of a drunkard in the gutter, it doesn’t matter, no one can see the world as it actually is, not even the great gurus.

We are completely dependent on our mothers when we are new born. Gradually, as we grow older, we must learn how to give, not just to want things. “I waaana have an ice cream, nooow!” “Take it easy. I'll buy you an ice cream in a minute. I just have to finish this.”

I work in a garden center selling plants, big trees, shrubs, roses, tiny little seeds. Mostly the customers are nice and friendly, but yesterday I had a woman who was demanding like a little brat. Something had gone seriously wrong with her. Well, I am used to this kind of people. Their problem is, I think, that they are too rich. Many rich people seem to never grow up. They are deeply convinced that they are entitled to all their money and to their selfishness, simply because they are so fantastic. They don’t know nothing about how to give if they don’t get something back or get a lot of praise for it. This is a very serious delusion and there is no cure for it. In fact, in our western societies we believe that this is how things should be. “Communism didn’t work. Isn’t that clear by now? Why don’t you go to North Korea? You idiot!”

In the mornings, I walk across the golf course on my way to work. In the evenings, I take another route and walk through the park. The park was created for some royal jerk in the seventeenth century so he could enjoy nature. Well, the nature itself wasn't good for royalties in those days; in fact, they were terrified by it. They wanted nature to be neatly trimmed, everything had to be arranged, everything had to be shaped. They were obsessed by "man over nature" ideas.

Anyway, often as I walk across the big lawn I feel like I wake up from a dream. I wake up from my thoughts. At work, I am totally focused on all the things that need to be done. I am totally lost in doing. However, when I cross the big lawn I often experience awareness to everything around me. My awareness is not focused on anything particular. I wonder if this is the space consciousness Eckhart talks about, or the awareness without a center, which Krishnamurti and Toni Packer talks about.

 

 

Fear is nothing to be afraid of. It is not a big deal. The fear reaction is deeply rooted in us. All mammals know what fear is, and for millions of years we have had millions of reasons to be afraid. The hare on the photo is hiding from me because he is afraid. He is probably thinking, “I better be careful. He might don’t see me if I fold down my ears and keep absolutely still.” Fear is a completely normal and natural response to imagined or real threats. It is as normal as as is to be happy.

Nor is delusions and social conditionings something we can get rid of. If I am raised in a western middle class family, I will have a lot of ideas, values and ways of looking at things that I have just because of my upbringing. I may violently rebel in my youth but a lot of conditioning will persist, no matter what, and I will probably not even be aware of it. We are all living in different dream worlds. Alcoholics, workaholics, security junkies, religious junkies, political junkies, racists, escapists, there are so many different varieties. All people have a part in this amazing play.

To wake up, I think, is not about dropping the fear or the conditionings. It is about waking up, to be afraid when one is afraid, to be happy when one is happy, to be sad when one is sad, to be clear when one is clear, to be deluded when one is deluded, and to wake up from the delusion when one is waking up from the delusion, and to fall asleep again and to wake up again. Everyday is a new reincarnation.

 

Some people are ecstatic and truly believe that they are saved and that they will go to heaven when they die, but in reality they have been fooled by a mad revivalist.

Some people believe that they are searching for the truth, but in reality, they are running away from it, like if they were fugitives.

Some people believe that they are awakened and some people believe that they are not.

This is how the mind works.

 

This is a picture of the curtains in my mothers little cottage where I stay when I visit her. My mother likes cats. Cats are cute, yes, and so are mice. But cats and mice are not the best of friends, in the real word. The curtains are nice, but they are not depicting the world as it actually is. Well, who would like to have curtains depicting the true interactions between cats and mice?

 

I have changed my mind completely about Joan Tollifson and her book” Awake in the Heartland”. It is actually a very interesting book. She tells about all her weaknesses, shortcomings and limitations. This is not common among spiritual teachers. In fact, this must be the first “spiritual” book I have ever read where the author seems to be a little neurotic and completely unfantastic. And she has many interesting thoughts. Here is another quotation from “Awake in the Heartland”:

“We visualize what can never actually exist: a one-sided coin, up triumphing permanently over down. But that is not how it works. Up cannot exist without down. They are always in perfect balance. Neither one really exists.
Perfection never exists the way we imagine in the mind. The only true perfection is exactly what is here right now…
From our human perspective, it would be a terrible thing if there was a global nuclear war that wiped out all the life forms on earth. But from the perspective of the totality, it might just be a tiny event, clearing the way for something new to emerge. From the point of view of the dinosaur, their extinction would seem like a dreadful mistake… From the perspective of the universe, the disorder is all part of the larger order, in which there is space for all possibilities and mistakes, for play. There is room for everything in this dream, even the horror.”